An Introduction

 The Bubble Burst

All was given to my trust

All I took to heart as truth

All I built I built on thus

And lost it all in bubble burst

    Independent, Fundamental, Pre-Tribulation, Pre-Millenial, King James Only, Bible Believing, Baptist.

    Friends that is a mouthful to describe a narrow and hard, and cold view at the world and the life that we must live here. I was born into this life, although when I was young I didn't know that. I attended church from the time I was a baby, to the time that my parents divorced, and even then my mom either made a way for us to go to church, or we found someone who would come get us. My father was a pastor, and my grand father, and many of my family members on that side were ministers. It was a thing. On some level I suppose I was expected to join in this long line of people that were ministers, and for my part I was excited to. I was born in the 80s and my memories from that all involve church. Whether it was the church my dad helped my grandfather pastor, or whether it was the church my mom and step dad took me to as a child, we were in church. I remember my dad sitting us down and explaining why we weren't allowed to watch He-man and Smurfs anymore and being really upset. I was a big Masters of the Universe fan, and not really understanding why, but accepting that for whatever reason dad felt like it was sinful. I also remember going to a church called Victory in southern Indiana where on Sunday nights they had a program called Rangers, and it was organized like a ROTC program. I remember at 6 or 7 having to do pushups because we were running around the outside of the church at night the whole youth group holding onto a long rope and the boys behind me were cutting up and laughing. We all three had to do pushups. 

     It wasn't all bad though, sitting in a circle of chairs at home because we couldn't make it out to church with people who had come to our house to have church and singing hymns was alright. I always liked the singing. I enjoyed Bible drills, and Vacation Bible School. I even liked the preaching when I was a young kid. I wanted to be a preacher when I got older like my dad. There was a story in the Old Testament where Hannah wants a child so bad she prays and tells God if he will give her a child she will give it back to Him. I was impressed by this and I asked my dad about it one time. He said a vow is an agreement you make with God, and if He lets it happen you keep your end of the bargain. I was in the fourth grade, and by this time my mom and stepdad have moved us kids to Virginia. I was in Indiana for the summer visit, and I remember standing by my bike in the front yard telling God if he would call me to preach I wouldn't get married. I wanted to be a pastor / preacher since then. I thought I was going to be the next Billy Graham, or Paul the Apostle then. I waited for years to see what God would do. 

     I am 41 years old, and right now I am living just on the other side of that dream being a reality. I felt called to preach when I was 15 years old at a revival meeting in the oldest church in my county. I surrendered to the call the next night in front of a packed house. I stood out on the porch of the church after the service was over and listened to my momma and some of the other ladies inside singing Precious Memories around the piano. The summer night air was fragrant with the smell of fresh cut hay and the sound of night bugs making their own music. A month ago I stood in a pulpit and resigned my position of pastor at the small church I had been pastoring. It came after a couple of years dealing with doubt concerning not necessarily the message of redemption, or the regenerative work of Christ, or the call for christians to be and do good. It was the motive of the church. It was a sunny Sunday and there were tears all around. I didn't really want to quit them, they are good people, I had to resign for myself. I didn't feel like I could stay. I left and it didn't feel like anything had much changed inside. The weight of ministry had lifted off my shoulders. 

     I had done the thing that above all others a christian is not supposed to do; I began thinking critically about my beliefs, and the beliefs of those around me. It opened my mind and made me realize that I am more than what I thought I was, and somehow at the same time I am less than my attitude of myself was. I want to share with you my journey, or maybe its just me that will read these I don't know but hopefully I can write them out of my system.